Last week’s discussion was about understanding your story. Knowing your past in order to better understand your present and help capture your future. This week I would like to talk about creating your story going forward. You cannot change the past but you can change they way you do things to have a future you want.
The first step to creating the future you want is to lay the proper foundation. That foundation starts with you. I believe that we are made up of two parts of one person; our outer self and our inner self. Our outer self is the self that we show the world. This outer self is what we show the world because it is what we think the world wants to see from us. It is made up of small pieces of who we are but rarely is it an accurate portrait of who we truly are inside. When thinking of the outer self I think of Beyonce. While watching an interview on the Ellen Degeneres Show many years ago, Beyonce was asked how she can appear one way on stage (sexy, confident, diva like, etc.) and another way when in interviews (quiet, conservative, laid back, etc.). Beyonce stated that she created an alter ego, Sasha Fierce, who she becomes on stage. Sasha has some parts of Beyonce in her character, but she also made of parts that Beyonce would like to become and some parts that she believes the audience wants to see. I believe most of us have this outer self or alter ego; the person we become when we are in new situations, the self that we want to the rest of the world to see or the person we think the rest of the world sees when they look at us.
Then there is the inner self, the self that all of us have but few truly know including ourselves. This is that part of us that houses are fears, insecurities, passions, desires, etc. Sometimes we become so good at hiding this part of ourselves that we ourselves don’t even see it. This is the self that you were born with but slowly started to split as you got older. I see this part of you, the inner self , as the six year old you who wanted and believed that you could be a super hero and a unicorn.
Why do we have these two selves? Why is it rare that the outer and inner self reflect who we truly are? I believe it is because we are afraid to show the world who we truly are. We fear rejection, failure, judgment, lack of love and acceptance and it is much easier to face these fears with a face that resembles our own but is not truly our own. We feel better locking away our inner self so that part of us is protected and safe from harm. The downside to this is that by not showing the world who we truly are we are not living a life that makes us happy.
I see these two selves as having their own voice. You hear these two voices in your head whenever you are trying to make a decision, try something new, experience a tough situation, etc. The inner self has a quiet voice that tells you to do what makes you happy, to live the life you know that you were meant to live. The inner self voice was loud at one point in your life, but somewhere along the line that voice became quieter and quieter and for some even silenced. Many things could have contributed to its silence; rejection, failure, doubt, but know that that voice, as quiet as it may be, is still in there crying out to be heard. The outer self has a loud voice that has nothing but negative things to say about why you shouldn’t do something, that you are not good enough, that no one likes you, etc. The outer self’s voice judges you before the outside world can with the false intention of protecting the inner self but instead, silences your inner voice.
This imbalance between the outer and inner self causes stress, unhappiness and the lack of feeling whole. In order to create balance, you have to allow the inner self voice, the one that speaks your truth, to speak up and you have to be willing to listen. This is not something that will happen overnight. Once the inner self voice recognizes that it is being heard, it will speak louder and louder until that voice is the only voice you hear. Once you start listening to your inner self voice, you will begin to notice that your outer self voice will either silence or change to begin to reflect the inner self voice. You will have times when negativity will creep in, but with practice, you will learn to tune it out. The outer self voice is not as easy to silence as the inner self voice.
In order to move forward successfully in creating a life that you want, you have to get in touch with your inner self. You need to really know who you are; the good, the bad and the ugly and where you want to go. Once you discover who you are, what drives you, where your passions lie, etc. make no apologies. Embrace the you that you were meant to be and move forward in a direction that makes your inner self voice sing. Your inner self voice is your truth and following your truth will lead you to your success and happiness.